I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
