I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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