Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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