I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
