I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
