I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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