I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize