Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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