Your dad touched me again.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize