I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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