Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
