Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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