Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
