I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
