She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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