Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
