proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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