I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
