We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize