You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize