Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament

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(540): View more from Virginia

Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.

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(540): View more from Virginia

About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.

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(302): View more from Delaware

His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass

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(480): View more from Arizona

I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.

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(619): View more from California

No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder

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(214): View more from Texas

You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.

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