Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
