I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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