I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
