god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
