What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
