Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My penis needs a shock collar
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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