Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
