Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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