One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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