Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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