she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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