Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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