you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
