Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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