Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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