I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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