well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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