I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
