In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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