ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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