there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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