Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
