and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
