im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize