I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
