you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
