btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
