you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
