ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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