Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
