What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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