did you get engaged???
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I love having hate sex.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
