i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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