Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
