and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize