Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
