just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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