I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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