He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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