Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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