put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
