woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i came on her dog
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
