I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
