Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
