Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
