i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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