her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
