I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
