okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
