I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
