If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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