remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
