remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My breasts were aching with rage.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
