I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize