I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
