even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
