sarcasm needs its own font
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
