I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
