pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
