I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
