im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
