He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
