Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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