i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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