I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They took my balls.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize