bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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