yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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