ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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