Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Even my vagina gasped.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
