this boner is exhausting
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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