He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
