So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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