I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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