How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
