Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
