That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
