Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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