i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize