i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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